Worst Jokes Ever!!!

[Richard230]

[Richard230]

Is my bike OK?

[Richard230]

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy answered, "No ma'am, they're dead."

[Richard230]

I don’t mean to be a grinch however.... to those of you who are placing Christmas lights/decorations in your yards, would you please avoid anything that has Red or Blue flashing lights together? Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police and I have a panic attack. I have to brake hard, toss my beer out the window, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the gun under the seat. All while trying to drive. It's just too much drama, even for Christmas. Thank you for your cooperation and understanding. Happy Holidays!

[Richard230]

Black Friday has arrived and so has this cartoon.

[Amphion]

Not sure if this one has already been posted….but here it is!

While riding my motorcycle, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.
Dazed and confused, I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?

As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with a cleavage to die for.

"I'm okay I think." I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head."

"That's nice of you," I answered, "But I don't think my girlfriend will like me doing that!"

"Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."

Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my girlfriend won't like this."

We arrived at her place which was just a few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my girlfriend is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."

Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

"My guess is that she's still in the ditch."

[Roady II]

Daboo. That is the worst joke ever.

[Richard230]

AI and humans can't always understand each other: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxxAwDHgQhE&t=1s

[Richard230]

If at first you don't succeed, keep on trying.

[Flook]

Up, up and awayyyyy (weeee)

[Richard230]

Here comes another one.

[Richard230]

How to get to Heaven.

[Flook]

One way of looking at it.It gets all don’t it

[ccwatchmaker]

[steve n rose]

I saw a sick pony the other day.
He was a little horse.

He was also very sad, he had such a long face.

[Richard230]

I’m a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable.

Doctor: “Sir, I’m afraid your DNA is backwards.” Me: “And?”

I’m reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen… I can feel it.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

Did you hear about the two Tahitian lasses that were looking for a Mandalay?

Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race? It ended in a tie!

Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.

The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

A plateau is the highest form of flattery.

[Richard230]

How about a hot air-powered car? Perfect for every politician. Unlimited range: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZuWdTwq8js

[Flook]

I can't think of any light jokes, as have run out of power

[Richard230]

If you see someone buying candy, popcorn and a soda at the movies, they are a drug dealer. There's no other explanation for that type of income.

After a year of this pandemic, I'm either going out for ice cream or to commit a felony. I'll decide in the car.

I know it's time to clean out my purse when my car assumes it's an extra passenger who isn't wearing a seat belt.

Dr. Oz says rubbing coffee grounds on your naked body will get rid of cellulite. Apparently you can't do this in Starbucks. And now the cops are here.

Do not vaccinate health care workers first. If it fails, we're all in trouble. Vaccinate the politicians first. If we lose a few of them, it won't matter.

In the 1980's I fell off my bike and skinned my knee. I'm telling you this now because we didn't have social media then.

Some people seem to have aged like fine wine. I aged like milk ... I got sour and chunky.

Dear Sneeze: If you're going to happen, happen. Don't just put a stupid look on my face and then leave.

Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, worthless, bacon-less years.

I still have a full deck... I just shuffle slower.

We all know Albert Einstein was a genius. But his brother Frank was a monster.

[Richard230]

If you ride a Royal Enfield don't piss off a goat - or he will piss on your tank.

[Richard230]

Here are 11 cute "Herman" cartoons that a friend sent me today.

[Richard230]

Not appreciating the H-D LiveWire and German speed enforcement.

[Flook]

Last night she said to me, "will you strain the vegetables dear", so I picked up the pan of veggies and went "oomph, aaahhh, eeee, yeeeer". She said "what on earth are you doing", I replied "As you asked dear, straining the vegetables"

This is true, I done it for a laugh but it was received with a mute response.

[Richard230]

Some of these cartoons are pretty funny.

[Richard230]

Welcome from social media.

[steve n rose]

Richard, what are you inferring with that supposed joke??

[Richard230]

Richard, what are you inferring with that supposed joke??

I wasn't trying to make a point. I picked it up on another forum and thought it was kind of funny. It sounded like some people on social media (which I don't participate in) would find comments by a new poster who was trying to be funny, not so funny. From what I hear just about every comment on some social media forums are objectionable to someone.

[steve n rose]

Hence my reply, just playing the part.

[Richard230]

Hence my reply, just playing the part.

Thanks, Steve. Without an emoticon it is sometimes hard to tell which way a post is going. I tend to use emoticons a lot as I have been caught up with posts in the past that seemed to upset or offend people when I was just trying to be funny or snarky and it just didn't come across correctly, especially when someone might be located in another country where they have different standards of humor.

[steve n rose]

There are a few on here like that, no names mentioned.

[Richard230]

A friend passed along some cartoons for the age of Covid-19.

[Richard230]

A young woman was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback soon came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.

The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would shout out a wild "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a-" so loud that it echoed off the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, she expressed her thanks, and he yelled a final "Ye-e-e-e-e-ha-a-a!" and rode off.

"Why was that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant. "I don't know. I just rode behind him on the horse with my arms around his waist and holding onto the saddle horn so that I wouldn't fall off," the woman answered.

"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."

[Richard230]

[Richard230]

Come on in, the water is fine.

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