Worst Jokes Ever!!! - BMW G450X Riders Forum & Registry



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  1. #26201
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  4. #26202
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    Is my bike OK?
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

  5. #26203
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    A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy answered, "No ma'am, they're dead."
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  8. #26204
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    I don’t mean to be a grinch however.... to those of you who are placing Christmas lights/decorations in your yards, would you please avoid anything that has Red or Blue flashing lights together? Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police and I have a panic attack. I have to brake hard, toss my beer out the window, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the gun under the seat. All while trying to drive. It's just too much drama, even for Christmas. Thank you for your cooperation and understanding. Happy Holidays!
    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  10. #26205
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    Black Friday has arrived and so has this cartoon.
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  12. #26206
    Points: 3,912, Level: 41

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    Not sure if this one has already been posted….but here it is!

    While riding my motorcycle, I swerved to avoid hitting a deer, lost control and landed in a ditch, severely banging my head.
    Dazed and confused, I crawled out of the ditch to the edge of the road when a shiny new convertible pulled up with a very beautiful woman who asked, "Are you okay?

    As I looked up, I noticed she was wearing a low-cut blouse with a cleavage to die for.

    "I'm okay I think." I replied as I pulled myself up to the side of the car to get a closer look.

    She said, "Get in and I'll take you home, so I can clean and bandage that nasty scrape on your head."

    "That's nice of you," I answered, "But I don't think my girlfriend will like me doing that!"

    "Oh, come now, I'm a nurse," she insisted. "I need to see if you have any more scrapes and then treat them properly."

    Well, she was really pretty and very persuasive. Being sort of shaken and weak, I agreed, but repeated, "I'm sure my girlfriend won't like this."

    We arrived at her place which was just a few miles away and, after a couple of cold beers and the bandaging, I thanked her and said, "I feel a lot better, but I know my girlfriend is going to be really upset so I'd better go now."

    Don't be silly!" she said with a smile. "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. By the way, where is she?"

    "My guess is that she's still in the ditch."

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  14. #26207
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    Daboo. That is the worst joke ever.

  15. #26208
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    AI and humans can't always understand each other: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxxAwDHgQhE&t=1s
    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

  16. #26209
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    If at first you don't succeed, keep on trying.
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

  17. #26210
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    Up, up and awayyyyy (weeee)
    Please note, the thoughts and opinions of Flook does not necessarily reflect the thoughts and opinions of other posts & site users therein
     

  18. #26211
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    Here comes another one.
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

  19. #26212
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    How to get to Heaven.
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  21. #26213
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    One way of looking at it.It gets all don’t it
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  22. #26214
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    James Sadilek -- ccwatchmaker
    In the garage: 1972 BMW R60/5 - 1983 Yamaha XJ650 Maxim - 2014 F800 GT
     

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  24. #26215
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    I saw a sick pony the other day.
    He was a little horse.

    He was also very sad, he had such a long face.
    As of Mon, 1st Feb 2016- ;
    Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery,
    Today is a gift (that's why it's called "the present")
    #1 tip I ride by: Ride as though you're invisible, not invincible
    Bikes so far: Honda CB250-Traded, Suzuki GS500F-Traded, '07 F800ST Matt Graphitan-Deceased, '10 F800ST Night Blue-sold, at present bikeless 

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  26. #26216
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    I’m a big fan of whiteboards. I find them quite re-markable.

    Doctor: “Sir, I’m afraid your DNA is backwards.” Me: “And?”

    I’m reading a horror story in Braille. Something bad is about to happen… I can feel it.

    I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.

    Did you hear about the two Tahitian lasses that were looking for a Mandalay?

    Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

    Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race? It ended in a tie!

    Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.

    The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Things got a little tense.

    A plateau is the highest form of flattery.
    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  28. #26217
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    How about a hot air-powered car? Perfect for every politician. Unlimited range: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZuWdTwq8js
    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  30. #26218
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    I can't think of any light jokes, as have run out of power
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  32. #26219
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    If you see someone buying candy, popcorn and a soda at the movies, they are a drug dealer. There's no other explanation for that type of income.

    After a year of this pandemic, I'm either going out for ice cream or to commit a felony. I'll decide in the car.

    I know it's time to clean out my purse when my car assumes it's an extra passenger who isn't wearing a seat belt.

    Dr. Oz says rubbing coffee grounds on your naked body will get rid of cellulite. Apparently you can't do this in Starbucks. And now the cops are here.

    Do not vaccinate health care workers first. If it fails, we're all in trouble. Vaccinate the politicians first. If we lose a few of them, it won't matter.

    In the 1980's I fell off my bike and skinned my knee. I'm telling you this now because we didn't have social media then.

    Some people seem to have aged like fine wine. I aged like milk ... I got sour and chunky.

    Dear Sneeze: If you're going to happen, happen. Don't just put a stupid look on my face and then leave.

    Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, worthless, bacon-less years.

    I still have a full deck... I just shuffle slower.

    We all know Albert Einstein was a genius. But his brother Frank was a monster.
    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  34. #26220
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    If you ride a Royal Enfield don't piss off a goat - or he will piss on your tank.
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  36. #26221
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    Here are 11 cute "Herman" cartoons that a friend sent me today.
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  38. #26222
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    Not appreciating the H-D LiveWire and German speed enforcement.
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  40. #26223
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    Last night she said to me, "will you strain the vegetables dear", so I picked up the pan of veggies and went "oomph, aaahhh, eeee, yeeeer". She said "what on earth are you doing", I replied "As you asked dear, straining the vegetables"

    This is true, I done it for a laugh but it was received with a mute response.
    Please note, the thoughts and opinions of Flook does not necessarily reflect the thoughts and opinions of other posts & site users therein
     

  41. #26224
    Richard230's Avatar
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    Some of these cartoons are pretty funny.
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  43. #26225
    Richard230's Avatar
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    Welcome from social media.
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

  44. #26226
    steve n rose's Avatar
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    Richard, what are you inferring with that supposed joke??
    As of Mon, 1st Feb 2016- ;
    Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery,
    Today is a gift (that's why it's called "the present")
    #1 tip I ride by: Ride as though you're invisible, not invincible
    Bikes so far: Honda CB250-Traded, Suzuki GS500F-Traded, '07 F800ST Matt Graphitan-Deceased, '10 F800ST Night Blue-sold, at present bikeless 

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  46. #26227
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    Quote Originally Posted by steve n rose View Post
    Richard, what are you inferring with that supposed joke??
    I wasn't trying to make a point. I picked it up on another forum and thought it was kind of funny. It sounded like some people on social media (which I don't participate in) would find comments by a new poster who was trying to be funny, not so funny. From what I hear just about every comment on some social media forums are objectionable to someone.
    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

  47. #26228
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    Hence my reply, just playing the part.
    As of Mon, 1st Feb 2016- ;
    Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery,
    Today is a gift (that's why it's called "the present")
    #1 tip I ride by: Ride as though you're invisible, not invincible
    Bikes so far: Honda CB250-Traded, Suzuki GS500F-Traded, '07 F800ST Matt Graphitan-Deceased, '10 F800ST Night Blue-sold, at present bikeless 

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  49. #26229
    Richard230's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by steve n rose View Post
    Hence my reply, just playing the part.
    Thanks, Steve. Without an emoticon it is sometimes hard to tell which way a post is going. I tend to use emoticons a lot as I have been caught up with posts in the past that seemed to upset or offend people when I was just trying to be funny or snarky and it just didn't come across correctly, especially when someone might be located in another country where they have different standards of humor.
    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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  51. #26230
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    Real Name
    Steve
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    Morwell, Vic
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    Motorcycle
    '10 F800ST
    Motorcycle
    '07 F800ST
    There are a few on here like that, no names mentioned.
    As of Mon, 1st Feb 2016- ;
    Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery,
    Today is a gift (that's why it's called "the present")
    #1 tip I ride by: Ride as though you're invisible, not invincible
    Bikes so far: Honda CB250-Traded, Suzuki GS500F-Traded, '07 F800ST Matt Graphitan-Deceased, '10 F800ST Night Blue-sold, at present bikeless 

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  53. #26231
    Richard230's Avatar
    Points: 315,232, Level: 100

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    A friend passed along some cartoons for the age of Covid-19.
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    Richard - Current bikes: 2016 BMW R1200RS, 2018 16.6 kWh Zero S, 2011 Royal Enfield Bullet 500 Classic, 2009 BMW F650GS, 2020 KTM 390 Duke, 2002 Yamaha FZ1 (FZS1000N) and a 1978 Honda Kick 'N Go Senior. 

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